Success

What defines success?
Money?
Power?
Having a family?
Finding true love?

All of the above?

Or, is our success only determined by how others deem us to be? How many times do people play down their individual achievements to others for fear of them not being impressive enough. From now on I'm saying screw them bitches.

No longer will I allow others to make me feel less worthy because their definition of successful is not the same as mine.

 

Life can be shit, be proud of what you've done and how you are living your life. No one person is perfect, no one person has the perfect life. Some may be able to go and spend thousands of pounds on a designer handbag but they might not have the closeness of family to keep them grounded. Besides unless I win the lottery anytime soon I'm not going to wake up with the money in my bank account to go on a shopping spree. But I have a best friend that I can share my two for one voucher at Prezzo's with.

It's the small things.

Masks

So it's been a while. I wish I could say it's all gone brilliantly since I last wrote. But I doubt if things were good I'd be writing. Because when your happy it's harder to feel the need to express your self in a manner like this. It's only when things are shit you feel like turning on the computer and venting on the only open space on this vast universe of the internet, that I can call mine.

The feeling of not being good enough is one that troubles most. I'm not thin enough, not clever enough, not pretty enough, not successful enough, not rich enough. These going round and round in your head on a daily basis whilst you watch others flourish is not the best way to live a life. I work in office doing a rather mundane job and the other day my colleague told me that I had too big a character to work where I do. That I'm funny and need to be doing something creative. It shocked me because then I realised that everyday when I put on my makeup I am putting on my character. The happy, class clown me that everyone can rely on to ask advice because I'm dependable. I'm there, I'm always there.

And then I see something on telly, or read in the news. People dying, struggling to survive. People with real  issues, real problems to cry about. Every single day there are people all around the world experiencing heartbreak. I watch a VT of a young girl that died of cancer last week. She said that all she wanted was to live to see her brother get married, see her friends daughter grow up. She wanted to fall in love and get married, she was a teenager and she spent most of her short life suffering, fighting to live. Suddenly stressing over getting a better job and being several stones overweight doesn't seem important anymore. It's actually embarrassing, what a problem to have hey.

Not being good enough is shit, but if it's the only thing I have to work on, to fight through then I'll take it because so many others do not have the opportunity to stress over the little things. But until I work it out I'll put on my mask, my character as the dependable care-free me because honestly it is the only way I publicly know how to be.